Please don't hate me.

19 Oct 2012

Please don't Hate me
I don't know why I deserve it.
I can't stand the thought
that I caused you some sort of ill will,
What did I do?
I know, asking that, it makes it worse.
But honestly, I try my best,
My absolute best,
to think before I speak,
act,
react,
or the lack of all that,
Yet, I slip, oblivious to the fact
and OFFEND!

Please don't hate me;
Are you willing to forgive
And maybe (hopefully) forget?
And live as my friend?

I hope & pray & wish it so-
(in my head, silently said)
Please, please don't hate me.

One Way to Tell

Well, there is actually one way to tell.  You pick up your favorite fountain pen and try to write the words you meant to say.  For some reason the words flow smoothly much like the ink from your pen.  You realize just how much easier it is to think without her there.  Words jump to the page, words that should have come out of your mouth on that last night.  Yet you hesitated and lost all courage to stay and say what you had been burning to say all along.  Right from the beginning, you remember, you have always wanted to say.  Many great times you and her had together.  You remember each and everyone as if they were happening right now.  But then the chance came.  You had the opportunity to say it all right then.  You should have said it, but you didn't, did you?  Like always you choked.

And now it is over.  No longer will it be the same.  You'll never have the same chance.  You can never return to that night.  You can still try to say the same, but what is the point?  It is too late.  She will never feel the same.  Or be as prepared as she was on that last night.

The Smile

2003

A poem for the Elizabethans

Oh joy, what joy!
Is it not a great day to be here,
To smile and express our joy
One with another?
What, why doest thou smile, not
O' noble Englishman?
True tis not the day of celebration
Nor tis it the day of anniversary
Of mine own coming in the world.
Nay tis neither of those.
But know ye that we, the English,
Liveth in an age most wonderful of
All our history, the age of the
Virgin Queen Elizabeth.
And in this great age, many things
Have come to pass for the
Betterment of our society.
What has come to us you ask?
Thou hast seen nothing new?
Didest thou not see my smile?
What else could I speak of but a brush?

Nay, I speak not of the one thou
Might use for the straightening and shaping
Of thy hair.

Yea I speak of the one, the only
BRUSH FOR THY TEETH!

Do not let thyselves be fooled by its commonplace.
This little brush can work miracles on thy teeth.
Just look upon my own smile
And see for thyselves.
What?
What sayest thou?
Nay, nay tis not for the straightening and shaping
Of thy teeth.
Tis for the cleaning and whitening.
Good sir, smile. Smile for us all.
See thou hast night upon thy teeth,
While mine own have the shining rays of day.
When it is night, dost thou not wish for day?

So come one and all,
Use the teeth brush, and feel for thyselves
The radiance thy smile can have.
No longer will we frown
But smile like unto Mona.

And with that I bid you
A smiling
Adieu.

Number 2 guy

November 2003

Yep, there it is
Number 2 guy again
It seems to come back
Ever, always present
I just can't believe
You could never see
It was all so so close
Yet, you kept it far away
I'm just not good enough
Am I?

Still, I always came back
To talk to you like that
Could never get away
Never wanted to leave
But always that awful grief
I will never feel the same
Never be the same
You took that away
I hate you.

You changed everything
I never thought this way
It gave life a whole different sway
This weird feeling, I have
In the pit of my stomach, it is
Everything is just a game to you
But not in everything is there a winner
Nor will there always be a loser.
I hope you've had your fun
'Cause when you've think you've won
It has only just begun

It will never end
Be there forevermore
Knocking at your door
Never let it in
It will try to become number 1!

Funny how it all works out
It might just be time to part
For I found a hole
A door
An opportunity
I'm going to take to get out
Or die trying.

Maybe I brought this all on myself
Staying in the background
Never daring, working slowly
Denying what I felt
Advice giving friends; there were
Dude, just tell her
It'll work out.

But that was then
None of it now
Here it is all gone
The advice friends are still there
For this they say
Just bring it up
Talk to her about it
I say I will.

But that part of me will never leave
Wont be able to work up the courage
The fear of hurting
Bringing it up
Now thinking...

I don't know why I feel this pain
I am not entitled to it
We were not attached
I was number 2
or maybe not even
I could've been 3, 5, 10
or maybe not even a number
So why do I feel this way?

The answer lies somewhere in the stillness and quiet
But beyond my reasoning and senses
You once told me
That when I'm around
You could act like yourself
But then after the fact
That god-awful act
I am wondering...

Who or what are you
When I'm not there?
Will I ever get the chance
to meet her
to greet her
and to know what she's like?

I would ask but
Do I have the honor
the privilege
the grace
Being no other, no one than
The number 2 guy.

Sure it happened again
I talked to you like that
Like I felt nothing
Perhaps I was numb
But certainly no longer dumb
Yet you noticed the difference
I was no longer the same
Something different, you said
Too true, too true.

I just waived it off
Different me, yeah right; good one
(Screaming in my head)
Of course I've changed
No way I couldn't be.
Why do I feel this way?

The pain
The torment
It should not be mine
Not any of it.
Bringing out the frightening side of me
You've brought out the Hyde
In my previous Jekyll life
No much fun anymore
Am I?

Trying to ignore you
Hurt worse than I thought
Maybe I was in too deep
Way over my head
Got knocked off the high pedestal
Got a rude awakening
From the wrong side of the bed
Bah!
I hate you!

I have always felt like
Such a big dork
Have always tried to make you laugh
To make you smile
We have so much in common
Yet so much is different.

It was all so easy
I started to feel cheesy
Now everything is fine
I still think you divine,
And I still wish you were mine
Now that all these emotions are out
As angry as they were
I realize I am wrong
I don't hate you
I can't even remember
What it felt like with out you
Right now
I'm okay
Okay with being number 2
Maybe one day, just maybe
You'll count me as
Number 1.

Mike T

I don't know

March 2003

Why should I try anymore?

There is no point,

It is all the same.

What happened to you?

I have been there forever,

Always watching, staying behind,

Never bold enough to try and make you mine.

But you've changed and are different somehow.

Close we were,

Always the best of friends.

I could talk to you about anything.

It seems I am in too deep.

Something changed in me,

Something that I can't explain.

I saw you in a different way.

When will you ever understand,

Understand what you mean to me?

I could never have you it seems.

Being the friend is alright with me,

But it will drive me crazy in the end.

On, and on it goes,

When it will stop...?

I don't know.

I just don't know.

Mike T

Unforgettably Divine

May 2004

I saw her sitting there, with brown eyes and long brown hair, her figure was candy to any eye, as was her complexion fair.  She was most unforgettably divine.  It made me scared.  To say hi, I would have never dared.  My mind had my heart convinced that this was some goddess from mythological lore come to torture the hearts of mortal men.

Much time has since passed while she, however much I thought impossible, only grew more beautiful, I eventually overcame my fears and talked to her.  It started off slow and crept along.  I became more comfortable with her every day, month and year.  Our friendship became very tight like unto a dish.  Much we did together, and it was as if we knew what the other was thinking.  Anything and everything was discussed:  futures, fears, favorites, the perfect guy, the perfect girl, houses, cars, and much, much more.  We talked anywhere and everywhere and often into the night.  My favorite however, was at her house nestled between two trees under the stars on a hammock.  It was if we were on a smooth sailing ship on a calm and peaceful ocean.

Then the unthinkable happened.  Our ship became tossed through the torrents of a most unruly tempest.  It was torn apart and we drifted.  Time passed before we found each other again.  This time was enough to drive a wedge between us.  No matter how hard I tried, it was not ever going to be the same. 

Now I wonder, what does the future hold now? I don't know, but I still see her sitting there with her brown eyes and her long brown hair, with her figure candy to any eye, and her complexion fair.  Most unforgettably divine.  What does the future hold?  I still don't know, however, I hope it is one I'll be able to share with her, the unforgettably divine, friend of mine.

Mike T