Number 2 guy

November 2003

Yep, there it is
Number 2 guy again
It seems to come back
Ever, always present
I just can't believe
You could never see
It was all so so close
Yet, you kept it far away
I'm just not good enough
Am I?

Still, I always came back
To talk to you like that
Could never get away
Never wanted to leave
But always that awful grief
I will never feel the same
Never be the same
You took that away
I hate you.

You changed everything
I never thought this way
It gave life a whole different sway
This weird feeling, I have
In the pit of my stomach, it is
Everything is just a game to you
But not in everything is there a winner
Nor will there always be a loser.
I hope you've had your fun
'Cause when you've think you've won
It has only just begun

It will never end
Be there forevermore
Knocking at your door
Never let it in
It will try to become number 1!

Funny how it all works out
It might just be time to part
For I found a hole
A door
An opportunity
I'm going to take to get out
Or die trying.

Maybe I brought this all on myself
Staying in the background
Never daring, working slowly
Denying what I felt
Advice giving friends; there were
Dude, just tell her
It'll work out.

But that was then
None of it now
Here it is all gone
The advice friends are still there
For this they say
Just bring it up
Talk to her about it
I say I will.

But that part of me will never leave
Wont be able to work up the courage
The fear of hurting
Bringing it up
Now thinking...

I don't know why I feel this pain
I am not entitled to it
We were not attached
I was number 2
or maybe not even
I could've been 3, 5, 10
or maybe not even a number
So why do I feel this way?

The answer lies somewhere in the stillness and quiet
But beyond my reasoning and senses
You once told me
That when I'm around
You could act like yourself
But then after the fact
That god-awful act
I am wondering...

Who or what are you
When I'm not there?
Will I ever get the chance
to meet her
to greet her
and to know what she's like?

I would ask but
Do I have the honor
the privilege
the grace
Being no other, no one than
The number 2 guy.

Sure it happened again
I talked to you like that
Like I felt nothing
Perhaps I was numb
But certainly no longer dumb
Yet you noticed the difference
I was no longer the same
Something different, you said
Too true, too true.

I just waived it off
Different me, yeah right; good one
(Screaming in my head)
Of course I've changed
No way I couldn't be.
Why do I feel this way?

The pain
The torment
It should not be mine
Not any of it.
Bringing out the frightening side of me
You've brought out the Hyde
In my previous Jekyll life
No much fun anymore
Am I?

Trying to ignore you
Hurt worse than I thought
Maybe I was in too deep
Way over my head
Got knocked off the high pedestal
Got a rude awakening
From the wrong side of the bed
Bah!
I hate you!

I have always felt like
Such a big dork
Have always tried to make you laugh
To make you smile
We have so much in common
Yet so much is different.

It was all so easy
I started to feel cheesy
Now everything is fine
I still think you divine,
And I still wish you were mine
Now that all these emotions are out
As angry as they were
I realize I am wrong
I don't hate you
I can't even remember
What it felt like with out you
Right now
I'm okay
Okay with being number 2
Maybe one day, just maybe
You'll count me as
Number 1.

Mike T